Confessions of a Spa Virgin

Having talked about weird theories, i shall talk about my experience as a Spa virgin. Its called the Hawaiian Ka Huna Bodywork and its promises range from the generic - "Physically re-energising" to healthy - " treats the lympathati, immune, circulatory, respiratory ... improved health and fitness" to Zen - " helps release fear, anger, grief .." to the bizarre - " releases hidden memories and allow change in your body, mind and soul (Huna)".

I chuckled as i read the bunch of marketing crap on its brochure AFTER the spa .. totally absurd. If it can do all those things in a 1.5hr service, all the shrinks in the world would be out of job by now.

So here's the real deal ... I entered the Earth Sanctuary Day Spa and was greeted by a VERY cheery receptionist who smiled ever SO sweetly, albeit oozing insincerity. Gonzales would be proud of her.

Then i removed my shoes and went upstairs where i was greeted by a middle age 'therapist' who definately scores tons higher on the sincerity scale.

I was given a little white disposable G-string and instructed to take everything off. I was actually expecting to be at least 25% covered. So i must have appeared kind of uncomfy and the therapist gave me a sarong to wrap around myself. I was also instructed to tie up my hair unless i want to look like Sadako on a bad hair day, since i was supposed to be slathered in sesame oil during the massage.

The sarong covered my vital bits for perhaps all of 5min. The moment she got started with me, it came off. And tada i was naked as a newborn and perhaps juz as slippery as well, since i was indeed well-oiled.

The therapist assured me that there's nothing to be self-conscious about and even 60 somethings with wrinkly skin and bellies come to her. (Actually i was more conscious about my A-cup status. But hey i started thinking that if she had seen and touched saggy 60 yr olds, she should be alright with mine.) After overcoming my inhibitions i started to enjoy the process of being kneaded and probed. She didn't miss out any part of my anatomy. I figured she covered 95%, the remaining 5% being whatever the by-then soggy G-string could cover.

Somehow i kept thinking of sesame cakes and sesame biscuits as the smell of sesame oil permeated the air.

I was rathered relaxed except for the part when she kept massaging my shoulder and back. That was uncomfortable, probably coz of my posture and all the tensed-up muscles. This petite woman can probably out wrestle a guy coz she's really strong!

After the massage, she proceeded to give me a scrub. I was totally exfoliated, from the neck down. During the scrub, i could only think of 2 things.
1. Glad that i had diligently tweezed those pesky underarm hair. The idea of her scrubbing my hairy armpits is gross.
2. Glad that i had waxed my legs a few days before. The idea of scrubbing my hairy legs is just as gross.

After the scrub, i took a shower, got dressed, drank this minty tea and went to look for a hairdryer and some moisturiser to slap on my face.

That sums up my very first Spa experience. Was i relaxed? A little.. Did i feel exfoliated? Yes.
BAsically i left feeling very clean. No zen experience, no Huna, Mana or Manawa crap.
Would i be back? Only if i am very rich.