Having talked about weird theories, i shall talk about my experience as a Spa virgin. Its called the Hawaiian Ka Huna Bodywork and its promises range from the generic - "Physically re-energising" to healthy - " treats the lympathati, immune, circulatory, respiratory ... improved health and fitness" to Zen - " helps release fear, anger, grief .." to the bizarre - " releases hidden memories and allow change in your body, mind and soul (Huna)".
I chuckled as i read the bunch of marketing crap on its brochure AFTER the spa .. totally absurd. If it can do all those things in a 1.5hr service, all the shrinks in the world would be out of job by now.
So here's the real deal ... I entered the Earth Sanctuary Day Spa and was greeted by a VERY cheery receptionist who smiled ever SO sweetly, albeit oozing insincerity. Gonzales would be proud of her.
Then i removed my shoes and went upstairs where i was greeted by a middle age 'therapist' who definately scores tons higher on the sincerity scale.
I was given a little white disposable G-string and instructed to take everything off. I was actually expecting to be at least 25% covered. So i must have appeared kind of uncomfy and the therapist gave me a sarong to wrap around myself. I was also instructed to tie up my hair unless i want to look like Sadako on a bad hair day, since i was supposed to be slathered in sesame oil during the massage.
The sarong covered my vital bits for perhaps all of 5min. The moment she got started with me, it came off. And tada i was naked as a newborn and perhaps juz as slippery as well, since i was indeed well-oiled.
The therapist assured me that there's nothing to be self-conscious about and even 60 somethings with wrinkly skin and bellies come to her. (Actually i was more conscious about my A-cup status. But hey i started thinking that if she had seen and touched saggy 60 yr olds, she should be alright with mine.) After overcoming my inhibitions i started to enjoy the process of being kneaded and probed. She didn't miss out any part of my anatomy. I figured she covered 95%, the remaining 5% being whatever the by-then soggy G-string could cover.
Somehow i kept thinking of sesame cakes and sesame biscuits as the smell of sesame oil permeated the air.
I was rathered relaxed except for the part when she kept massaging my shoulder and back. That was uncomfortable, probably coz of my posture and all the tensed-up muscles. This petite woman can probably out wrestle a guy coz she's really strong!
After the massage, she proceeded to give me a scrub. I was totally exfoliated, from the neck down. During the scrub, i could only think of 2 things.
1. Glad that i had diligently tweezed those pesky underarm hair. The idea of her scrubbing my hairy armpits is gross.
2. Glad that i had waxed my legs a few days before. The idea of scrubbing my hairy legs is just as gross.
After the scrub, i took a shower, got dressed, drank this minty tea and went to look for a hairdryer and some moisturiser to slap on my face.
That sums up my very first Spa experience. Was i relaxed? A little.. Did i feel exfoliated? Yes.
BAsically i left feeling very clean. No zen experience, no Huna, Mana or Manawa crap.
Would i be back? Only if i am very rich.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Theory 1,2,3
Haven't blogged for a bit.. No time, no mood, no inspiration.
Life has been depressing lately, been dunked in shit over and over.
Take for instance - tuition - that is one freak incident. I had prepped myself with my little sister's Pri 6 texts, travelled to CCk and was turned away at the door. They had already engaged a tutor and the agent hadn't informed me! Numerous calls to the agent ended up with me talking to an inanimate object - The answering machine. No surprises that nobody called me back. Managed to get the woman on the line eventually but of coz all i got were flat-out denials. Promised to clarify with me but no surprises again that she never did call back. There's really nothing i can do either. All i've got is a number and no name or face. I'll just put it down on pure bad luck.
Been meeting the shittiest people too. The ribbon on my flats was damaged by this woman who tried to cut across my path, and ended up almost tripping over my left foot and ripping my ribbon off in the process. There was no apology for kicking my foot and tearing my ribbon off. Instead she glared at me. If looks could kill! (I had to 'superglue' it back. Eventually, i invested in an identical pair as the former was deemed too stinky.)
Friday nite i bought a Meiji Milk chocolate bar to soothe my troubed soul, hoping the onslaught of 'happy hormones' from cocoa would rejuvunate me. Sadly, i had a bad tummyache after finishing the bar. A mere 70g of chocolate made my stomach upset. So much for therapy...
Alright, enuf of bad karmic stuff.. they do drive one nuts sometimes. I'll share the warped theories i've formulated recently.
Theory 1 : I have come up with a little theory about life and the strange way it works. For instance, 1plus 1 might equal zero. No matter what you do, people will always have a bone to pick. They might not like your inepititude or way of doing things. Sometimes they simply don't like the face, name, voice or maybe the way you smell. Simply put, the line "I just don't like you" applies here. And therefore they reserve all their shit for you.
And on the contrary sometimes 8 - 5 = 10. You put in little effort, but things do turn out fabulously, no worries. Mabe its a sunny disposition, good social skills, a pretty face, good karma, cash ... any combination that works..
Theory 2: A combination of "Law of diminishing returns" and " Base Theory " - Miss Hufferphish's own.
Basically "Law of diminishing returns" means that if you're usually nice, people won't appreciateness your "niceness" unless you do something even better. So for example, if you always help your roomie to buy breakfast, soon your roomie won't bother saying thanks. He/She will just wait for breakfast delivery every morning. For Roomie to feel the same level of gratitude now, you would need to outdo yourself, like perhaps offer to do the laundry too.
Which brings me to the "Base theory". It means that you always evaluate others based on how you think they would behave - That is the base.
For example, if you're doing a project with person A whom you deem would be a 'worker', you would expect A to do work. If he didn't, you'll be surprised, angry, pissed. You might even relax and let A pick up the bits and pieces.
However if you are so unlucky as to have a free-rider 'fall' in your group, you start from a negative base, thus as long as the free rider does his part and don't cause any trouble, you'll probably be quite relieved and grateful already.
Some may say this is a baseless argument (pun intended), however it is food for thought.
Theory 3: Since i'm working on screwed theories, I would like to share this theory that i've come up with a long time ago during my JC days, perhaps during one of those dreaded chemistry lessons, hence explaining the origin of its name. Its about pretty ppl becoming uglier and uglier ppl become prettier. I call it the theory of "natural equilibrium". Its nature's way of moderating things for people whose faces he/she/it has screwed. (I'm a free thinker.) Cos ppl can't remain ugly forever, or they'll be permamently screwed or not... And they'll never get married and pop babies(Unless the lights are off of cos).
Its based on the fact that when i beau the Chio Bus in sku, their 'impact' decreases with the increase in number of "beauings". Similarly, the very ugly guy with the bad acne and bad teeth(not inclusive of bad breath..that's alwaiz bad, no matter how many times you are unlucky enuf to take a whiff), (imagine the grossest face you can think of).. he loses 'impact' each time you look at him too.
So if this process goes on, eventually everyone will reach equilibrium. (OF cos the number of 'viewings' required varies with each individual.)Think of couples who have been tog for a long time and kinda cease to care how the other looks like? That's what happens..
Life has been depressing lately, been dunked in shit over and over.
Take for instance - tuition - that is one freak incident. I had prepped myself with my little sister's Pri 6 texts, travelled to CCk and was turned away at the door. They had already engaged a tutor and the agent hadn't informed me! Numerous calls to the agent ended up with me talking to an inanimate object - The answering machine. No surprises that nobody called me back. Managed to get the woman on the line eventually but of coz all i got were flat-out denials. Promised to clarify with me but no surprises again that she never did call back. There's really nothing i can do either. All i've got is a number and no name or face. I'll just put it down on pure bad luck.
Been meeting the shittiest people too. The ribbon on my flats was damaged by this woman who tried to cut across my path, and ended up almost tripping over my left foot and ripping my ribbon off in the process. There was no apology for kicking my foot and tearing my ribbon off. Instead she glared at me. If looks could kill! (I had to 'superglue' it back. Eventually, i invested in an identical pair as the former was deemed too stinky.)
Friday nite i bought a Meiji Milk chocolate bar to soothe my troubed soul, hoping the onslaught of 'happy hormones' from cocoa would rejuvunate me. Sadly, i had a bad tummyache after finishing the bar. A mere 70g of chocolate made my stomach upset. So much for therapy...
Alright, enuf of bad karmic stuff.. they do drive one nuts sometimes. I'll share the warped theories i've formulated recently.
Theory 1 : I have come up with a little theory about life and the strange way it works. For instance, 1plus 1 might equal zero. No matter what you do, people will always have a bone to pick. They might not like your inepititude or way of doing things. Sometimes they simply don't like the face, name, voice or maybe the way you smell. Simply put, the line "I just don't like you" applies here. And therefore they reserve all their shit for you.
And on the contrary sometimes 8 - 5 = 10. You put in little effort, but things do turn out fabulously, no worries. Mabe its a sunny disposition, good social skills, a pretty face, good karma, cash ... any combination that works..
Theory 2: A combination of "Law of diminishing returns" and " Base Theory " - Miss Hufferphish's own.
Basically "Law of diminishing returns" means that if you're usually nice, people won't appreciateness your "niceness" unless you do something even better. So for example, if you always help your roomie to buy breakfast, soon your roomie won't bother saying thanks. He/She will just wait for breakfast delivery every morning. For Roomie to feel the same level of gratitude now, you would need to outdo yourself, like perhaps offer to do the laundry too.
Which brings me to the "Base theory". It means that you always evaluate others based on how you think they would behave - That is the base.
For example, if you're doing a project with person A whom you deem would be a 'worker', you would expect A to do work. If he didn't, you'll be surprised, angry, pissed. You might even relax and let A pick up the bits and pieces.
However if you are so unlucky as to have a free-rider 'fall' in your group, you start from a negative base, thus as long as the free rider does his part and don't cause any trouble, you'll probably be quite relieved and grateful already.
Some may say this is a baseless argument (pun intended), however it is food for thought.
Theory 3: Since i'm working on screwed theories, I would like to share this theory that i've come up with a long time ago during my JC days, perhaps during one of those dreaded chemistry lessons, hence explaining the origin of its name. Its about pretty ppl becoming uglier and uglier ppl become prettier. I call it the theory of "natural equilibrium". Its nature's way of moderating things for people whose faces he/she/it has screwed. (I'm a free thinker.) Cos ppl can't remain ugly forever, or they'll be permamently screwed or not... And they'll never get married and pop babies(Unless the lights are off of cos).
Its based on the fact that when i beau the Chio Bus in sku, their 'impact' decreases with the increase in number of "beauings". Similarly, the very ugly guy with the bad acne and bad teeth(not inclusive of bad breath..that's alwaiz bad, no matter how many times you are unlucky enuf to take a whiff), (imagine the grossest face you can think of).. he loses 'impact' each time you look at him too.
So if this process goes on, eventually everyone will reach equilibrium. (OF cos the number of 'viewings' required varies with each individual.)Think of couples who have been tog for a long time and kinda cease to care how the other looks like? That's what happens..
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