Miss World

Watched Miss World on Channel 5 a few hours ago.
Its held in CHina this year.
Other than the addition of chinese characters on the sash so that Miss Turkey is also Miss Tu2 Er3 Qi2 and Miss Belgium is Miss Bi3 Li4 Shi2, this year's contest is not much different from the previous 55 years.

Other than the rare spark of talent from a small number of contestants (like Miss American Virgin Islands, she's very very smart!) There are about 2 answers to most questions. The idea is to pick one of them and fit it into any answer.

1. Oh, all the girls here are so wonderful, beautiful, friendly... I have learnt so much from them.
(Read: Bitchfest! I hope all of them break out in pimples so I would be crowned Miss WOrld!!)

2. Oh, I wish to help all the poor children, orphans who do not have families, do charity work.
(Read: Heck it! The last kid i was forced to bounce on my lap in the orphanage peed on my beautiful dress! Darnit i hate those monkeys!) *Why does everyone want to help children?? Year in year out.. Nobody said cancer? Aids? Famine?*



For questions like ...
How is your experience here?
What do you like most from this experience?
What have you learned/gained?
Use ANswer 1.

For questions like ...
What is your ambition?
What do you want to do if you win the title?
WHat are your dreams?
What does Miss World stand for/mean to you/your country?
Use ANswer 2.

For good measure, end off your sentence with 'Oh, CHina is such a beautiful country, its people are so nice/friendly/beautiful' to score brownie points.. (No no.. its for international goodwill.)

If all else fails, just ah ehm a bit, say something incomprehensible and smile very brightly (Which was what Miss Korea did by the way) and the host would take the cue from the megawatt smile to say a very loud THANK YOU VERY MUCH, at which the audience would applaud automatically.

If it were up to Miss Hufferphish here, the competition would have only one segment.