My Day As a Receptionist

Tue 10:00am
Read SMS from Dawn: 33, u want a temp job TODAY until 5.30pm? it pays $6.50/hr. Essentially, u're a receptionist4the day. Zoboh one..can read mags&file nails.It's near jurong.. U want?

Telephone conversation:
"But i don't have experience can??"
"No prob, they will teach" said the job agency lady.
"okies I'll do it"

As I was already awake and in the midst of getting ready for my LAST tuition session with a certain customer who is only available on Tue 11am, i decided that the LAST session can wait one more week.( after all i've waited so many weeks already.)

Hence I found myself at 11 International Business Park at 10:47am. (Which is near CREATIVE.) Its really near, cab fare only $4.20 (can claim)

Well, I wore a rather ehm.. bright orange jacket (compulsory attire for all the office ladies.. haha)
tink their company got some sort of colour coding. Production line wear dark blue. I spied some greenish shirts too i tink. *Haha*

ANd contrary to the sms, there was no time to file nails. (not that i packed along a nail buffer of cos)

I had 5 duties for the day.
An attachment student from poly who took over as recep in the morning stayed with moi and taught me the stuff till lunch time. We sorta 'discovered' little things about the phone routing system as we went along. *Laughs*

1a. Answer calls. Transfer calls to the relevant extension. (This got tricky when the caller had only a name but no extension or department. I referred to a list but not all the names are there, and some names are written in initials.)

1b. Make international calls on behalf of staff, then route it back to the staff who requested the call once its connected and the relevant party found. (Quite interesting this one. Esp calls to Thailand. The voice recording system is rather 'melodious'. Taiwan also polite. China got communication problem. Different brand of Chinese and sometimes only can find the person if u say the chinese name. As in Leong San San cannot find. Liang Shan Shan then can. Same problem when they call in looking for someone.)

2a. Pick up calls and answer queries on "How to Get here"/"DO you hire malaysians"/ "My English not good can employ?"/"Pay How Much"? from job seekers. Cos they advertised for Lab Assistant and Storeman the day b4 on classifieds.
The answer to all of the above, as instructed was --> GIve address, landmark, advise them to take cab $3.00 from JE only, and the rest must come for walk-in interview.

2b. Upon arrival, give job seekers a form to fill in then call HR after gathering every 4-5 people.

3. Visitor come, ask them to fill in logbook, exchange ID for visitor pass.
Vendor come, ask them to fill in logbook, exchange ID for vendor pass.

4. People come and leave things at the counter, put them aside, note down who left what if required.

5. Paging. I kinda like this one once I got over the initial hesitation.. Haha.. Mabe I do like hearing my own voice.
In a building, folks can't find one another. Like hide and seek.
So they call the recep and say "Help me page for XX"
The script is " Paging for (XX)x2, please call extension 110 ( yao yao ling) (must repeat in chinese) Xie Xie (Thank you)"
Variations are --> Please proceed to the lobby, proceed to canteen.. blah blah..

One notable one came from the production line side.. They call to ask which AH BAO is being paged. Cos apparently there's quite a few Ah Baos.. Turns out its Si Wen Bao they want. (Translate to polite Bao)

Yip, that sums it up.
And I wouldn't have survived the day without help from the SECURITY GUARD. Yes. SECURITY GUARD. He is what the PAP advocates. Huo2 Dao4 Lao3 Xue2 Dao4 Lao3. Multi-tasking type. He was so nice and helpful. (Not the sit there drink milo read newspaper, tian1 ta1 xia4 lai2 not his business kind.)

As a recep must essentially be an octopus and I'm a fledging one, when my arms get tangled, he'll pop into the counter to help me. He'll distribute the visitor passes when calls and people come in at the same time, distribute application forms to job seekers... etc.. and he even got moi a cup of coke from the vending machine cos he say talk so much must drink cold drink.

WAhhh.. If he's 30 years younger I would fall in love with him!!

Took a pic with him on hp, but hp KNN one, can't upload, if i manage to get it uploaded
will post it here. Overall an interesting day with nice people and quite fun too!

3364

That's the number i betted on yesterday, my first bet of the year. The third ticket in all of my 22 years.

WHy?
I literally Kan na sai yesterday during break time
when a rectum-less bird conveniently dropped a bomb on moi in the canteen.
We had adjorned to canteen B halfway through GMS Seminar and moi had just gotten a small plate of bee hoon to 'complement' my fried carrot cakes when ...

Splat..
SOme murky greenish brown goo landed on my wrist.

Tramutised, I screamed "Ahh.. Someone save me!"
(or sth along that line.. ALthough ELv had since informed me my scream wasn't powerful enuf to justify that of bird poo.. cos she thot a fly had landed on me instead.)

Incidentally, no one at the table had tissue paper. And the first toilet I went to didn't have any more soap in the dispenser. I washed my hands, up till my elbow, THRICE in another toilet which had soap.

Meanwhile, Dawn had come up with the magic numbers.
33 for moi, 6 cos we were sitting in front of stall number 6. 4 for sai (shit)
And i announced it was time to join the aunties and cheko peks at Singapore Pools.

Later I really did place a bet at Jurong Point. $2 big $2 small.

Today, the results of the lottery is



Scary aint it?

My Day/Nite as a Flower Ger

Now for the last installment of the 'flower series', I shall relate my experience as a florist.
After this particular experience, I have come to a few conclusions about life in general.
1. Expect the unexpected.
2. Expect the worst.
3. Anything is possible.

I kinda amazed myself really and am actually quite proud of my persevering spirit. ha!
I spent a nite without sleep so as to save my ass not disappoint the guys who need to present bouquets to their Dears on Valentine's.

Armed with 2 Mushroom mayos + 1 Chicken pie from Han's and a Red Pearl Milk Tea from Sweettalk, I got down to work.

First, remove the pesky thorns from the stems. You never know how prickly they can be until you have to slice them off. *Ouch* I think it's akin to removing scales from fish. If you've only ever eaten fish, you'll never realise the effort that goes behind scraping those scales off. (An observation: Red roses tend to have much lesser thorns than pink ones for some strange reason ...)

Next, arrange the stems into bouquets, along with Lavender and Baby's Breath, then wrap them up with layers of 'tissue'.

Sounds easy doesn't it? You bet.

By 3 am I was tired and frustrated.

By 6, I was a goner. My left hand ached from clasping the stems tightly while arranging them, and my right thumb and forefinger hurt from trimming too many stubborn stems with scissors. And for some strange reason, my hands itched. (tink its due to prolonged contact with the stems.. Most prob cos they're laced with pesticides.)

I believe I elevated myself from the ranks of ehm..."No rank" to "Amateur" to "Semi Pro" over the course of a single night, completing almost 10 bouquets. Any florists out there need temps?

Yup, and here are some of the results!
















Notice the disparity in sizes in the bouquet below? Major headache...
Supposed to be pink and white but the white turned out to be pale yellow. *Panics*
Though the supplier insisted its 'ivory white'! My foot!
(Moi is aware that it does look kinda whitish on the pic, but I assure you that's the effect of a flash. Compare it to the color of the baby's breath around it and the difference is apparent)
Thank goodness the customers were not too fussy. *Phew*


A bouquet of 39, from a loving boyfriend.
Moi has since 'affectionately' named it the 'Monster Cannonball'.
Thot bubble when tying this one... 'Gf's arm would ache after one nite of lugging this around. And if she uses both hands to carry this, then no hand left to hold Bf's hand' *Laughs*

Another view:

And all these affort for a profit of about 100 bucks each for biz partner and moi, minus transport, minus cost.. etc.. lesser if i factor in the mushroom mayos.. hah!
I figure my hourly pay is less than 4 bucks. but it was quite a learning experience indeed.

Marcom disaster!

Today, I finally tended to the 'flower' booth after abandoning my poor partner to wilt by herself for 2 consecutive days. (Sorry ger...)

After a couple of hiccups in setting up, I started to stake my territory on the shared 'booth' ... Armed with some 'props' which i had unearthed ...

1. Small Forever Frenz Bear holding a heart

2. "Matching" Forever Frenz Card holding 'blossoms'

3. Cheesy n Shiny Heart shaped box-cover for the bear to 'sit' on

4. A shiny purplish sash i never wore. (As table-cloth)

5. Very fake heart-shaped pendent n chain

6. Faux Jewellery boxes with no brand names on them (so we won't be advertising for Perlini's)

7. Beads to sprinkle over the table cloth

And some props my partner had unearthed... Bear (sitting atop a small heart cushion), Heart-shaped handicrafts, some more faux boxes with no brand ...
(The above being a non-exhaustive list.)

I began an attempt to be artistic in ehm.. let's juz say 'table decor'.
Objective: To create a 'Valentiny' mood.

Apparently moi's attempt worked so well that No one could tell I was selling flowers!
ANd girls were stopping by to

... touch the pendents
... touch the bears
and *shrivels* touch the beads

What is it with females who just have to finger everything that appears in their line of sight??

WRONG target audience
WRONG message
WRONG Marcom

If Lam Shun Yin sees, he'll prolly Parkinson...

In the end moi cannot take it, asked my 'neighbour' to look after my side too and went to Popular to get a black board as backing..
Then i begged my neighbour and a passing siwei to write in BIG FAT FONT on yellow paper

"FLOWERS FOR SALE!"

"A DOZEN AT $35"

and stuck em onto the board along with the flower pics on a borrowed easel.

Pics later...

In the Mood for Love

I met my friend at Jurong Point for lunch a few hours ago.After the influx of Chinese New Year goodies, there is something else to celebrate. Its an unofficial holiday. But in no way less influential.

A quick stroll around the mall and Valentine's Day will be screeching in your face creeping up on you. There is no way you can miss the profusion of pink, heart-shaped trinklets and amorous words being marketed everywhere. There is a spike in the amount of useless impossibly cute soft toys like baby seals (in a pair), baby hedgehogs holding red hearts (in a pair), and cuddly turtles (two to go of cos).
Jewellery stores print glossy pamphlets with cliche themes like "LOVE STORY" (Goldheart) and "ROMANTIC EXPRESSIONS" (LEE HWA)and chuck them into the hands of browsers like moi and gal pal as we stopped by the window display, eager to cash in on the season of love.

Moi and gal pal made an observation with the 2 booklets which had found their way into our hands, in between gulps of Iced Milk Tea at Mos Burger. Both booklets had many pages filled with female jewellery, were doused with an unhealthy supply of hearts and hair-raising lines like 'Pink Passion', 'Love is everywhere' and TAKE THIS --> 'Love is the air i breathe' *oh my gawd! Gasps for air*
And both had 1 page featuring jewellery for MEN (one page with an ugly steel bracelet and ugly steel ring),no more no less. Queer isn't it?

Moi came to the following conclusion:

"Dear I love you and despite knowing that I've fallen pray to a giant marketing ploy, I'm willing to fork out $688(hypothetical sum--> add all the zeros you want) to buy you this bracelet/ring/pendant..."

"Oh Dear, I love you too, and to show my commitment and love for you, I shall give you a cheap and ugly ring too (@ $68)

Simple mathematics will tell you that the guy got a very bad deal. But hey, love can't be measured by $$ right?

Let me hypothesize where the remaining sum went.
33's equation:
$688 ring = $68 ring + **GROOMING
**GROOMING (cos guys like their gers to be pretty and pretty costs $$)

**GROOMING = FACIAL(so that you won't see clogged pores on my face)
+ REBONDING/PERM(so that i have nice tresses for YOU EVERYDAY) +
[THE NEW DRESS + THE NEW HEELS + THE NEW LINGERIE +
NEW LIPSTICK + XXX] (I dress up for YOU on this SPECIAL DAY)

Add it all up and both sides of the equation will balance.

Now on to another point ...

Anyone who has brains the size of a pea pod will know that Valentine's DAY is the Grand Dame of Marketing Ploys. We also know the 'St. Valentine sacrificed his life' shit is crap. Maybe once upon a time, it was really that, but with evil marketers around *laughs*, it has become a day to cash in on stingy hapless Singapore men, an annual opportunity for florists to cover their asses for the whole year.

Sometimes Valentine's day is thinly veiled by a more politically correct 'Friendship Day'and CCAS/hall commitees/Non-profit organizations/Anyone who needs $/ usually use this term when canvassing for funds. But being politically correct also means casting the net wider isn't it? After all not everyone has a date, but everyone has friends!

SO why are we still dumb enough to be forcing stingy men letting bfs/husbands pay through their noses for roses that wilt in a few days or pairs of baby hedgehogs that end up collecting dust?

33's hypothesis:
Cos women like to compete and few can bear the loss of 'face'.

When we were kids, we compared our precious collections of Strawberry Shortcakes/Barbies/Polly Pockets/Cupcakes (Not as phenomenal as the rest, but I absolutely LOVED the way the skirt flips over *i know it sounds sick* and turns the doll into a ..ehm yes.. a Cupcake. But my ma refused to buy me any so I would go to my friend's house to play.)*Lol*

Then came PSLE, Os and As.

Then we compare boyfriends.

Then husbands.

Then we become our mums and compare our kids' PSLE.

Its a cycle that goes round and round.

.. Therefore on the special day of pink passionate hearts... We compete to see how dearly our Dears love us. This has developed into such a scary phenomenom i remember from last year's Straits Times that women have even gone to the extent of delivering flowers to themselves at the office so as to save face.

The qualifying round is a date of cos.
The semi finals will be the size of your bouquet.
Those who make it into the finals will compare diamonds.

Whether its a rock or 'diamond dust' or ehm Perlini's (Only boys who cannot watch M-18 shows have student concession) will determine where you rank this year. Anything with Tiffany on it will automatically elevate you to the rank of 'show-it-off with a flutter of your fingers' while Perlini's is the ultimate nightmare rivalled only by a hedgehog.

Well at the end of the day, those who have the last laugh are evil marketers of cos. *Evil laughs*

Dynamic Duo

My new(turning stale though) student is the richest student thus far in terms of the house he lives in, and the spare car in his driveway.
(yes yes i know there are closet millionaires hiding in HDB flats)
Landed is landed is landed. To own a piece of land in Singapore means you must have some spare cash in your pocket. Unless you're one those dumb enough to sell your soul to the bank in exchange for 10 credit lines of cos.

For some strange reason, the 'poorer' students generally are the ones who bother to give me a glass of water, pay their fees on time. The parents are also more sui2 bian4 about timing and don't complain.

With this student, I've met my worse yet.
Worst student, worst parent. The mother of all combinations. The duo from hell.

Boy, 15: Don't know anything. He can't even do Sec 2 maths. I doubt even Sec 1.
Example: -2 x -2 = -4.
-3 + 2 = -5
????????????????????????? I went blank!
Throw in an attitude like shit, which leaves me asking and answering my own questions.
He'll keep quiet and give me this really frustrated expression whenever I ask him something.
I can picture myself stretching my arms over and putting my hands around his neck.

His Mum, accomplice in crime.
Flashed me a wallet full of notes during lesson one, when she paid me for the assessments.
Like 1k notes. Not Thai Baht i swear.

This woman has something to pick on each time.
Before Lesson 1, she called and said her son always do assessments with tutors, must buy assessments. *Thought bubble: Oh well, this kid must be doing a lot of work* (The agent had said he's in Express stream.)

Upon arrival, he's in Normal Technical. Yup. Okie fine, normal technical it is. I've taught a kid in Normal before, no sweat. Until of cos I realised he's the extreme type.

Lesson 1: "He haven't bought his Maths text yet. You help him buy lor."
Okie fine...

Missing Lesson 2: She called me at 9am. Tuition supposed to be 11am. And said he's got a fever.
Come next Tuesday 11am.

Lesson 2: "Mdm Lee, it appears that his Maths is not Sec 3 standard. Maybe I should teach him Sec 2 stuff first? Or else its very hard to explain Sec 3 concepts."

"You give him difficult questions. He just started Sec 3, of cos cannot do Sec 3 questions."
KNN! *Thot bubble* Sec 3 don't do Sec 3? Then finish Sec 3 do Sec 3 is it?? Sec 1 then take PSLE?

To top it off, she once again mentioned that I ought to do assessment and not textbook.
*Thot bubble* Yes you B**ch. Your stupid son can't even get his number line right.
#Fact: I had checked with Popular and Normal Technical Sec 3 Maths only has ONE assessment book. ONE. Market size too small. No demand no supply. And its a revision test paper kind, not topic by topic kind.

Missing Lesson 3: Called on Monday night: Got family stuff to attend to. You come next Tue 11am. She is freakishly adamant about only having lesson on Tuesday 11am. No more no less, no change of timing is allowed, no other day is suitable for her precious son.

Missing Lesson 3 again: Called at 9am again. My son has stomachache.

Lesson 3: TODAY. She really breaks all records.
Upon arrival, before her precious baby descends the flight of stairs, she flipped open the assessment and said, "You give him too much homework, he has no time to finish"
(*He left most things blank*)
I went 'Huh? I gave him only 2 pages of English...
(Fact: I gave him 2 pages of English + Maths text Exercise Qn1 a b c d, Qn2 a b c d, Qn4 and Qn5.
And he had like 3 freaking weeks?)
Before I could finish, she cut me off and went .. " You tear off his answer keys"
"Ehm, I always do that with my students actually"
"Its not good to tear a book, I had MANY tutors before and NO ONE tore the book"
Argh!!

I want to quit and kick that fat rich ass of hers!
But i can't quit. Y? Cos the first month's pay from another student is still with the agency. If I quit this one, before 4 lessons, they're bound to hold my $.

Bloody. Fuck. This totally sucks.

Western Food @ Marina Food Loft

Disclaimer** Moi does not take any responsibility for loss of potential earnings.

That said, moi will urge you to look at the pics youself and unless you are ...

a. On a diet
b. A gross under-eater
c. Fancy a Kid's meal

Boycott the Western Food Stall at Marina Food Loft. It sells spagetti and some mee too.
For $5.50, you can get a chicken hotplate with rice, some ikan billis, and a few pieces of Kim Chi at the Korean food stall.

For $5.50 at the Western food stall, you'll get a rather pathetic "Breaded Dory Fish"
For comparison, I've placed the fish and half a slice of garlic bread side by side. Observe the thickness. Remember its BREADED dory fish? Remove the flour and what's left of the fish? Haha!

The very first time!

I gave my very first time to my camp GL from years ago. My very first time attending the wedding dinner of a friend. My very first red letter bomb!!!

It was a simple affair. SImple but still sweet. I figured he must have gone to the gym everyday for many many days to prep for this dinner.. because frankly.. yesterday was the leanest he had been in a long time i think.. haha.. Not only women go for facials and diet to prepare for their big day. Men too must pump some iron and shed that belly to look good in THE suit.

The bride was radiant. Happy and radiant. Her skin fab, her hair very very long and rebonded. And she made me feel BIG, not BIG ehm, but BIG sized when I shook her hand, cos her hand was so tiny and soft that I felt my hand enveloped hers! (So shocked! Aahhh!)

By the way, moi here got my money's worth with a double serving of shark's fin soup cos 2 girls from our table 'migrated' to another table. So table 13 had 8 instead of 10 people, hence extras of everything.. Since the folks at table 13 all knew moi has a healthy appetite, one of whom very kindly/unkindly reminded everyone with "Remember who was the one who always got hungry during Insinyur Camp??", I was given "priority" to 2nd helpings. It was very shiok when everyone dispensed with the overdose of formality you get during dinners like this and tucked in normally. Esp the prawns bit, thankfully nobody act niang with chopsticks and spoil market, else it would have taken forever to shell one pathetic prawn!

Holding the box of wedding choc like a goon!
While watching the video clip of the bride and groom, it seemed so amazing that somehow fate brought 2 people together, they fall in love and decide to spend the rest of their lives together. The groom had put together the clip himself, not exactly the most pro thing you see, but its made with a lot of love. The last line sums it all up simply with "The happiest thing in life is to love and be loved in return".

Sitting there with the same group of people I knew 4 years ago, it dawned on me just how much we had grown in 4 years and how fast time really flies.

On a lighter note, I finally laid my hands on the promised box of Krispy Cream Donuts. The 4 donuts had barely survived the journey back and a couple of them looked rather deflated by the time I got it. I polished them off anyway that night, AFTER the wedding dinner!, cos I figured they won't last another night. Despite the less than fantastic condition, the cream filled donut with chocolate coating on top tasted great. Absolutely sinful stuff! Maybe I'm deluded but i think i did compensate with a super duper long walk.

65mins

Its been a long while since the last post...

Today i did a couple of queer things.
1. I chased after a lecturer in pointy pumps(not the best shoes to run in), along with my fellow Eucharisian ...
Tink i freaked Gupta out a little as i went 'clop' clop' 'clop' down the corridor.
He kept going as I 'cloped' away behind him, the echos reverberating off the empty corridor.
Finally, he twisted his head back 120degrees
and saw a crazed looking moi waving madly at him.

2. I spent 65mins at the void deck at 11pm, in between practising my 'Lancome' speech (thus getting really queer stares from passer-bys) and peering at a kitten at the stairway.

In this time, it changed its 'location' like 5 times.
But its movement was confined to a radius of 3metres.

It barely managed to hop across a small drain and stayed on a grass patch for about 5 mins,
before deciding that it wanted to get back to the other side

Hence it stood tentatively at the edge of the drain for a while before barely leaping across it again. (i figured it got scared in the darker spot, since a fat rat would probably be larger than it)

It proceeded to stay at the foot of the stairs for a long while.. (at a strategic location where if you're walking down the stairs and don't open your eyes big enough, you might just flatten it with a foot (again, bigger than it if you're a size 8 and above)

Finally it moved a few steps to this boarded up area right beside the stairs landing and proceeded to put its head and a tiny paw through a small opening between the metal boards.
It chickened out and withdrew the head and paw.
Put back again
Repeated the process again and again..
Finally it settled down and stayed put.

And i would like to thank my two very special frenz for yakking on the phone and rehearsing with moi during this period. Ha!

Miss World

Watched Miss World on Channel 5 a few hours ago.
Its held in CHina this year.
Other than the addition of chinese characters on the sash so that Miss Turkey is also Miss Tu2 Er3 Qi2 and Miss Belgium is Miss Bi3 Li4 Shi2, this year's contest is not much different from the previous 55 years.

Other than the rare spark of talent from a small number of contestants (like Miss American Virgin Islands, she's very very smart!) There are about 2 answers to most questions. The idea is to pick one of them and fit it into any answer.

1. Oh, all the girls here are so wonderful, beautiful, friendly... I have learnt so much from them.
(Read: Bitchfest! I hope all of them break out in pimples so I would be crowned Miss WOrld!!)

2. Oh, I wish to help all the poor children, orphans who do not have families, do charity work.
(Read: Heck it! The last kid i was forced to bounce on my lap in the orphanage peed on my beautiful dress! Darnit i hate those monkeys!) *Why does everyone want to help children?? Year in year out.. Nobody said cancer? Aids? Famine?*



For questions like ...
How is your experience here?
What do you like most from this experience?
What have you learned/gained?
Use ANswer 1.

For questions like ...
What is your ambition?
What do you want to do if you win the title?
WHat are your dreams?
What does Miss World stand for/mean to you/your country?
Use ANswer 2.

For good measure, end off your sentence with 'Oh, CHina is such a beautiful country, its people are so nice/friendly/beautiful' to score brownie points.. (No no.. its for international goodwill.)

If all else fails, just ah ehm a bit, say something incomprehensible and smile very brightly (Which was what Miss Korea did by the way) and the host would take the cue from the megawatt smile to say a very loud THANK YOU VERY MUCH, at which the audience would applaud automatically.

If it were up to Miss Hufferphish here, the competition would have only one segment.